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November 19th, 2008

Times, They Are a Changin’

Earlier today my good buddy, the Blogger Formerly Known as Mrs. Gingerbread, sent me a little link.  This little link had some very big news.  The article is super short, so I’ll quote it in its entirety here:

TRENTON, N.J. — Online dating service eHarmony is adding another personality trait to its 29 dimensions of computability.

The California-based company will begin providing same-sex matches under as part of a settlement with New Jersey’s Civil Rights Division.

Garden State resident Eric McKinley filed a complaint against the online matchmaker in 2005.

Under terms of the settlement, the company can create a new or differently named Web site for same-sex singles. The company can also post a disclaimer saying its compatibility-based matching system was developed from research of married heterosexual couples.

Neither the company nor its founder, Neil Clark Warren, admit any liability.

In addition, eHarmony will pay the division $50,000 to cover administrative costs. It will pay McKinley $5,000 and give him a free one-year membership to its new service.

Pretty interesting, huh?  There’s also this link, here, which is basically the same information, but adds this information about the terms of the settlement:

  • eHarmony, Inc. will post photos of same-sex couples in the “Diversity” section of its Web site as successful relationships are created using the company’s same-sex matching service. In addition, eHarmony, Inc. will include photos of same-sex couples, as well as individual same-sex users, in advertising materials used to promote its same-sex matching services
  • eHarmony, Inc. will revise anti-discrimination statements placed on company Web sites, in company handbooks and other company publications to make plain that it does not discriminate on the basis of “sexual orientation”
  • the company has committed to advertising and public relations/ marketing dedicated to its same-sex matching service, and will retain a media consultant experienced in promoting the “fair, accurate and inclusive” representation of gay and lesbian people in the media to determine the most effective way of reaching the gay and lesbian communities.

As you likely recall, I left Weddingbee after making a public statement about my disagreement with eHarmony’s discriminatory practices. I didn’t leave because I thought I’d have any impact on eHarmony’s practices.  I simply did it because I couldn’t sleep at night knowing I was making them money.

So how do I feel about eHarmony now that they’ve agreed to offer same-sex matching?  Will I be returning to Weddingbee?

My opinions about eHarmony haven’t changed–quite frankly, I think they stink.  This isn’t a decision that eHarmony made on its own.  They didn’t suddenly realize that they were being unfair by excluding gay people from their matching.  They didn’t even make the decision to go into same-sex matching for monetary reasons.  They did it because they were sued, and for no other reason.  I think it’s sad that they will likely get/take credit for being “open” and “accepting,” despite the fact that this wasn’t really their choice.  I still think the company sucks, and I’m still not wild about the idea of volunteering to make them money.

I also feel that they got off pretty darn easy.  $50k and the cost of one membership, all for agreeing to do something that will make them a crapload of money!?  I’m not single (obviously), but if I were, I still wouldn’t use their services.  They may start providing same-sex matches, but they’re doing it for all the wrong reasons.

I am happy to hear that the settlement worked out this way, though, and MAD PROPS to Eric McKinley for pursuing the lawsuit.  At least someone in charge (in New Jersey) seems to realize that excluding the LGBTQ community is wrong.  Now, if we could only get our government to realize that the LGBTQ community shouldn’t be excluded from marriage, either!

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15 Responses to “Times, They Are a Changin’”

1
StefK Says:

I saw this announcement on the nest today and thought of you! I agree that they suck and it is pretty ironic that they’ll now make money off same-sex couple matching. Times are changing, indeed.

2
Maggie Says:

I saw this too and my reaction was a very Church Lady “well isn’t that special!”

3
MsPurple24 Says:

I completely understand why you have mixed feelings about this, and I agree that it’s frustrating to know that they will now get “credit” for being accepting and gay-friendly (well… gay-friendly’s a stretch, dontcha think?). HOWEVER, I do think it’s important to recognize that this is a step in the right direction. It may have taken a giant push to force them to take that step, but it’s a step forward instead of back. CA recently took a step back, and I think that each step FORWARD should be celebrated!!

Love ya, Stinkerpants. :)

4
Stinkerpants Says:

That is VERY true, Purple!! I might not throw a parade or anything, but maybe a couple of balloons are in order. :)

5
Jouxster Says:

You’re right that it stinks that a lawsuit forces a company to change even when they didn’t want to do it in the first place. It’s even more amazing that the “law” exists making a straight dating service add a gay dating service. Doesn’t a gay dating service exist that truly wants to serve this community? I’m straight and gay dating is not my thing (to each his own I say) but imagine in the future if a straight person wanted a strictly gay website/magazine to change format and include straight heterosexual Christian articles? It can work both ways if people are not careful..

6
oplz Says:

Now you have to beware of the types who will date anything and anyone w/ a pulse.

7
katya Says:

Your take is exactly the same as mine!

In other news I was complaining to my co-workers in my department how I couldn’t believe I overhead someone in our company use the (gay) f-word today (with the full “got” ending no less) and that I was offended. One of my co-workers was like “Really? That offends you?” And I’m like, “YEAH.”

8
Stinkerpants Says:

@katya– OMG. That is totally offensive. I hate that word, especially when it’s used with disgust. In other news, I’d much rather be an f-got than a bi-got.

9
timothy Says:

What ever happened to free enterprise? Where is this country going? Where is the service for old men that like little boys? Where is the service for kids who want to find a source to buy some drugs? Where will it stop? This is America. We have the freedom (I thought) to crerate our own business and run how ever we want. We should have the freedom to hire whoever we want and to follow our own moral standards and choose to not hire someone because we don’t like them - end of story. This whole gay rights thing has gotten totally out of proportion. Next we will have the pedophiles, the animal lovers and satanists all wanting equal rights. Just because people who own a company make choices, decisions and have personal preferences does not make them wrong. Where is the “gay” section in the Sears catalog? Where is the “gay” section when you go shopping at Wal-Mart?

10
Stinkerpants Says:

I actually think it’s a really interesting precedent, and I wonder where I will lead us. I do agree that companies should have the right to make their own decisions. A line has to be drawn somewhere, though. We wouldn’t allow a company or group to go out and beat people up, but we DO allow them to tell people how to do it. Where do we draw the line with discrimination? I think we’re still feeling this out with respect to the LGBTQ community. It’s still “acceptable” to discriminate against gay people, but what if eHarmony didn’t allow matching of African American people? There’d be an uproar.

IMHO, it is our government’s job to protect minorities against discrimination, even in the private sector. That’s why we have the Americans with Disabilities Act (I’m not going to get into affirmative action here). Because it’s wrong not to hire someone in a wheelchair just because it’s inconvenient to install a ramp.

I have to say, Timothy, that I think you need to be careful about associating homosexuality with pedophilia, bestiality (because I assume that’s what you were getting at) or the like. I find that comparison incredibly offensive, and I know I’m not alone there. I also think it’s a pretty blanket statement to say, “just because people who own a company…have personal preferences does not make them wrong.” I actually find discrimination (in any form) or the exclusion of a minority group very wrong.

11
jessica@budgetsavvybride Says:

I found myself feeling the same way as you when I read the article. It’s not like they saw the error of their ways and decided that they shouldn’t discriminate. They didn’t even do it for greed and money (which I always thought would be the tipping point)- they did it because they were forced to. I do agree that it is definitely a step in the right direction, but I will give them no accolades for doing so as it was not of their own accord.

12
Rosychicklet Says:

There’s a pretty hot debate about this development over at weddingbee (some people agreeing with Timothy) and someone already asked if this would bring back any bees.

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/eharmony-to-provide-gay-dating-service-after-lawsuit?replies=23

13
Stinkerpants Says:

@Rosychicklet–thanks for the link! I didn’t know that was going on! :)

14
Pages tagged "volunteering" Says:

[…] bookmarks tagged volunteering Times, They Are a Changin’ saved by 9 others     Immera1983 bookmarked on 11/21/08 | […]

15
erin Says:

mrs. creampuff-i followed your blog on weddingbee and agreed with and respected your decision to no longer post there. and i also agree with you on their lawsuit-fueled sudden change of heart (or business), shall i say?

i loved weddingbee pre-eharmony sale and now it seems to have lost its luster! (or has my perception of it changed?)

btw- your wedding looked gorgeous!

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