stinkerpants design

Haha, Santaberg! We had Hanukkah Harry who came and left us a stocking (a dreidle shaped stocking, of course).

I also am in a bad mood this time of year. My husband IS ALSO Jewish, but grew up celebrating Christmas instead of Hanukkah. It irks me to no end… like his family decided to reject their own religion because it didn’t come with sparkly gifts and a big fat man. So, my husband always discusses Christmas gifts and Christmas cookies and it really, really frustrates me, because WE ARE BOTH JEWISH.

I throw a big Chrismukkah party every year, more because most of our friends are not Jewish, but I hate that he thinks that we will have a Christmas tree for our children. Um, no!

really great post. several of my friends growing up were Jewish and I remember very well how much they hated Christmas and all its related hubbub. One of my friends told me once how bored she’d be, as her father worked and she sat at home watching bad tv and how she was afraid to call my house (pre-cell phone) for fear of interrupting some special family time. This really hit home for me at the time– I could really see how alienating it was. So I invited her over for as much of Christmas day as she wanted to spend with us and that has become my holiday tradition– I try to remember friends, family etc. that are feeling like outsiders for whatever reason at this time of year and try to welcome them- ask them to come over for a drink or a meal and spend some time together.

Aww, thanks for the shout-out. I do love this time of year, and I want you to love it too, for your own reasons. I think Santaberg sounds great, and I’m sure you’ll come up with a perfect one for your (future) kids.

Also, I love the pajama idea, and there are definitely pajamas out there that are non-Christmasy! Snowflakes, penguins, snowmen, hearts, stars, bows, cartoon characters, polar bears, and all other winter-related images. Maybe someday there will be Stinkerpants pajamas….

Hey, Sara, I think this is fab!!! And good for you for finding a way to make it work!!

(Enough with the exclamation points, I know, I just get really excited that my blog posts get people thinking just like other people’s blog posts get me thinking.)

Marisa- I like that idea!

Alright, I’m not Jewish, so take my words with a grain of salt.

Hanukkah is not a ‘big holiday’ for your faith, correct?

Well, for Christians Christmas is one of the BIGGEST. The BEST. That and Easter, if they are celebrated in the context of the religious meaning, are two of the most sacred, amazing days of a Christian’s year.

So, instead of feeling like we’re trying to drown out your parade via our Christmas enthusiasm, allow us to enjoy our holiday. You may just find yourself experiencing a bit of ‘joy’ about the holiday regardless of your religious affiliation.

I think part of growing up is figuring out how to navigate these things – and realizing there’s no such thing as perfect, but you can make it work.

I grew up, and still identify as, Roman Catholic. My parents are pretty devout (considerably more devout than I am, at this point in my life). We had an Advent wreath each year when I was a kid, and we wouldn’t put up our Christmas tree until Christmas Eve, and then we’d keep it up until January 6 – the feast of the Epiphany. I thought this was “normal”… and then I met my husband’s family. They’re protestant. They put up their tree the day after Thanksgiving and take it down the day after Christmas (sometimes they take it down BEFORE Christmas, if they’re visiting family Christmas day). This is his “normal”. Even though we’re both Christian and observe the religious side of Christmas (and 98% of the carols, presents, ads, etc have nothing to do with religion – the commercialization grosses me out, too), these small differences were a source of contention for us, as we had to make our own traditions work.

This year, we put up our tree and assembled an Advent wreath on the same day: the first Sunday of Advent. Actually sitting down and lighting Advent candles still feels unusual to him, but it’s something I don’t want to lose. We don’t have kids yet, but I’ve already been thinking about how we’ll figure out our traditions for them some day. I don’t want them to think that Christmas is all cookies and plastic toys and nothing meaningful. I want to incorporate more charity and less advertising into the season. It’s tough.

And, per Kait’s comment, Christmas IS NOT the most important Christian holiday. Easter is. But even most Christians don’t seem to get that, because we don’t get presents at Easter and we have to think about death and stuff. What a bummer.

I just wanted to chime in regarding being Jewish around Christmas in regard’s to Kait’s comment — stinkerpants is right that it has nothing to do with the religious aspect. Going to midnight mass? Singing O Holy Night in church? Enjoy! I 100% support those things — no one should have to sacrifice the religious aspect of holidays. But the frustrating part, what Sara was trying to imply from the post, is the constant commercialism… can someone explain to me the religious significance behind a tree covered with ornaments, tinsel, Santa Claus, stockings, and Mariah Carey’s Christmas CD? Would Christmas really be considered THE BEST if it was just going to mass and nothing else? Isn’t it the commercialism that makes it THE BEST for the majority of Christians? People seem to go nuts over the holidays, and it’s not even for a religious purpose. When it infringes on my daily life — like not being able to purchase things that I need at CVS or Whole Foods because they are not stocked during the holidays to make room for ornaments, stockings, red and green crap galore, Christmas cookies, Christmas cakes, etc., it’s not just being grinchy or at all anti-Christian. I have work that needs to be done in the lab, but I can’t get in on Christmas Day because everyone should be home celebrating Christmas! But, I don’t. Why should my labwork have to suffer? And it’s not for all holidays — I can get in on 4th of July, New Years, etc., but my card won’t swipe me in on Christmas. You can certainly enjoy your holiday, but it shouldn’t have to negatively impact the lives of those who do not celebrate. I don’t see others being affected by Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the two most religious holidays in Judaism… because they are 100% religious, no commercialism involved.

As an atheist, I have to say that my perspective on Christmas is somewhat different from the other commenters. I love Christmas solely for the family traditions and the way this time of year makes me feel, and not the religious or commercial aspects. I love picking out (and especially making) gifts that are special for people. I love our traditional Christmas Eve reading of “The Night before Christmas.” I love eating our traditional food and waking up early on Christmas morning to have family present-opening time. I enjoy decorating our tree and seeing all the ornaments my mother made for me over the past 26 years, while listening to the same LP that we always play during decorating. This year, I’m starting a tradition of making ornaments with my husband. I also love to bake cookies for my family and friends and decorate gingerbread houses with my brother. Most of all, I love remembering what Christmas was like as a child, waiting for Santa.

I don’t think that not celebrating the religious aspects of Christmas makes me shallow or commercial. My traditions are very important to me and I wouldn’t want to lose them. Hopefully I’m not enraging your Christian commenters, but I believe what I believe, and they believe what they believe, and can’t we all just get along?

In that same vein, I also don’t think anyone else should be negatively impacted by the holiday – Christianity shouldn’t be the default religion for the U.S., no religion should. Period. (P.S. – notice how all my Christmas traditions are quiet, stay-at-home types of traditions? I’m not into the whole flash and bang of Christmas. You definitely won’t catch me in a mall this time of year).

Sara, I’m so happy you have decided to create your own combo/non-secular traditions. These are things that make the holiday season special for me and I hope you enjoy them as well. Santaberg sounds hilarious, are you going to draw him? I also love open house and pajama ideas. I may have to steal the pajama tradition myself. ;)

loving this post so much I couldnt stop thinking about this week. It kept popping up in my head the past few days!

So I will def. be linking to you for my Happy Hanukkah + Follow Friday blog post today :) just wanted to let you know.

A very good friend of mine is Jewish, and his very close girlfriend is Christian. So I’ve encountered a few great joint holiday traditions over the years.

Before I get into that, I will say that this was a very well written post, and it’s especially brave of you to be so honest and voice these thoughts. So no matter what type of comments you get on this (they’ve been good thus far as far as I can tell?) more power to you for being so brave. You rock. But I do take issue with this statement: “the selfish people who had a great time opening their presents would all RUSH to the movie theater, making sure it was hard for us Jews to get a seat and enjoy the only good thing about Christmas.”

I don’t see why it’s selfish of them to want to see a movie on Christmas day. I don’t think anyone has ‘more rights’ to something than anyone else does. As someone that celebrates Christmas, I personally wouldn’t choose to celebrate that by going to a movie after presents, but if they choose to, I really don’t feel it’s selfish of them. I also really don’t think they were making sure it was hard for ‘you Jews’ to get a seat. I’m pretty sure none of them thought ‘lets make Christmas more miserable for Jews!’. I think this statement of yours exposes a bit more hostility than I am 100% comfortable with, and while you’re obviously working on coming to terms with some of your past feelings, you have a little ways to go. It honestly made me squirm in my seat a bit, and it’s too much of the ‘us VS them’ type sentiment. I hope you don’t see this sentiment as an attack, but more an observation on your statement, and a bit of dissection.

Now that I’ve said that, I wanted to share a few joint traditions from my friends, hoping that it might help make the holiday times easier for you? They both enjoy it quite a bit, but they struggled with it at first as well. First thing that they do, is to make sure to celebrate both traditions. Chanukkah isn’t his favourite Jewish holiday either, but celebrating both of them fully helps them to keep things balanced, so neither one feels… ‘trapped’ by the other faith’s holiday. It’s not one person’s holiday with a few little parts of the other person’s holiday to be ‘fair’ – it’s both, celebrated truly and fully. They do the 8 days of Chanukkah gifts, not necessarily spending a lot – sometimes just things like DVDs. And they of course light their menorah. They have the traditional family gatherings and countless other traditions as well. (I admit to not know very much about this part of their traditions)

The Christian GF bought the Jewish BF something to help with this ‘merger’ that he loves beyond belief (he has a great sense of humor) – a ‘Hanukkah Harry’ hat. It’s pretty much a blue Santa Clause hat. I think this might fit in with your Santaberg tradition! He also has a yarmulke with holly berries and candy canes on it. Those were both Chanukkah gifts one year. He absolutely loves them to death, and when people were wearing Santa hats to work, he wore his with pride, a huge smile, and everyone loved it.

They have a few decorations on the tree to symbolize his faith, some little menorahs, and they have been wanting to find a star of david to put atop the tree for years. I’m actually in the process of making one for them, this year, because they haven’t had any luck. I bet you could come up with a really great way to incorporate dreidels into a fun new tradition? It might also make you feel better to think of it not as taking a Christmas tradition and giving it a ‘Jewish’ twist, but the combining of both Christmas and Chanukkah? don’t make all the new traditions Christmas with a twist, make some Chanukah with a twist, too? It is probably wearying to always feel like the one making the biggest compromise. And if you’re sick of the red and green, is it silly of me to suggest a blue and silver colour theme for the tree? I’ve seen so many gorgeous trees done this way!

Also, you should be sure to check out the Barenaked Ladies Christmas Album. Before you think I’m insane for suggesting this, it’s a mix of Christmas songs and at least two Chanukah songs. One of the Chanukah songs is one of the best songs on the album IMO. Some of the Christmas songs are also less ‘traditional’ – like the Elf Lament, essentially talking about Elves wanting to unionize. Funny stuff.

@ChicksNest – You raise a great point, and an amazing comparison. I’ve been in the US for Canadian thanksgiving, so I can understand where you’re coming from. It’s hard to be away from family during that time, especially when you’re somewhere where the day has no importance at all. It always makes me homesick. On the other side of the coin, I’ve also been in the states for the Fourth of July, and let me tell you, that can get pretty alienating. I bet Canada day is the same for you in a way? But I also love it – it may not be my holiday, but seeing people celebrating something, happy, and sharing traditions important to them makes me happy, even if they aren’t my own traditions.

The bummer about death comment made me laugh out loud, thanks for that! As a child, I always remember Easter as a somber event, so I’ll be honest and say it wasn’t one of my favourite holidays growing up.

And Jen – can I just say you took the words out of my mouth? I grew up in a Christian home, but am not at all religious myself. But I still love, and relish Christmas. To me, it’s a celebration of family, a time where we get to slow down, and spend more time with each other. I also have very similar traditions – my mom has given me and my brother an ornament for every year of our life, sometimes an extra one to celebrate an important milestone, so decorating that tree has so much meaning for us. There are ornaments from when my parents were first married, and ornaments handed down from great-grand parents, too. We have good food, bake lots, share stories, sleep in, and I love buying gits for people. My dad reads ‘The Night Before Christmas’ every Christmas eve, and my mom gives us new pijamas to sleep in – never Christmassy PJs either because that way we can wear them year round.

I do buy gifts for people ‘just because’ year round. But there is something special about selecting a truly memorable gift on Christmas morning, and seeing that someone’s eyes light up when they open it. The best gift I ever gave cost 5 dollars, and the recipient was so happy they were moved to tears. To me Christmas is only about materialism if we let it be. There will always be people that take something dear to us and twist it in some way, or change it, but we have the ability to celebrate our own holiday the way WE want to, and for that, Christmas will never lose ‘meaning’ for me. My meaning being family. It is my second favourite holiday, behind Thanksgiving (when I get to see even more of my family, both sides.. 38 people in one house and so many warm fuzzy feelings).

I was laid off this year, along with my Fiance. We aren’t giving each other any gifts, can’t afford to – but this has already become our best Christmas together. For the first time in 3 years, we don’t have to worry about possibly working Christmas day. We don’t have to pass on family get-togethers because we work graves. We have seen so much more of our friends and families this year, it really has been amazing. If someone scorns me for not celebrating the religious aspects of Christmas, I ignore them. My Christmas is important for me, and if they can’t respect that, then it’s unfortunate, but they can’t take it away from me. Why can’t we all just get along, is a great question.

Sara, I think your new suggested traditions are great ones, and can I just say that I love the open house idea? One thing I love about living in Vancouver (hello and hi again to ChicksNest :) ) is that we have friends from so many different backgrounds, very multicultural. And when they teach us about their own cultures and religious holidays, I enjoy it quite a bit. There is something amazing about learning about the significance of a tradition or holiday you weren’t aware of, from someone that holds it most near and dear. So much better than trying to google it to learn what it’s about. I imagine your friends and family would enjoy learning about what makes this time of year special for you as well, and learning about your heritage and past. Having a chance to share all of this, and teach them about it, would be something you would enjoy as well, I imagine?

For those wondering about the relevance of a Christmas tree to the holiday, or it’s meaning, this is a fantastic read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_tree#Origin

as well as this:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/xmas_tree.htm

There are some wonderful symbolic meanings associated with the trees for various cultures, and (as with anything) some controversy as well. Either way, it’s all very interesting to read and learn about!

But, again – thanks for being brave enough to post this. Sorry for the long comment!