Well, I had some great posts planned for this week, but switching to a new web host has taken a lot longer than I thought–sorry! Things are sorta-kinda back to working right now, with the exception of the shop (which, if you need/want to order something in the next 24-48 hours, can be found at stinkerpants.bigcartel.com) and I’ve got some weird characters in all of my posts…speaking of which, if anyone knows how to fix that, PLEASE tell me!
Yes, that’s right folks: I came to Oregon to visit my parents nearly two weeks ago, and I am STILL HERE. Why? Because I caught swine flu. I’m not sure whether it was the airplane from San Francisco or the germ-infested clothes hangers at the Lucky Brand outlet, but those little h1n1 buggers got me.
For the past week, I’ve been feverish, stuffed up, coughing, exhausted and pretty much incapable of taking care of myself. Luckily I wasn’t in Mexico (where I joyfully caught E.Coli), but at home where my mommy could take care of me. I feel very lucky for that–a trip ruined by swine flu could easily cost you thousands of dollars in plane tickets and extra hotel nights while you try to recover (not to mention the fact that you probably couldn’t pay somebody to risk infection by bringing you sustenance). But I digress.
Now that I’ve survived it, I’m actually glad I got h1n1. After all, I no longer have to worry about getting it! Yay! How’s that for a silver lining?
I am the first person that I actually know who has had h1n1, so I thought the chances might be good that I’m the first person that a lot of you guys “know” who has had it. So here are a few facts:
Now that I’ve had it, I have to say:
You may think the world is overreacting to swine flu, but at the end of the day YOU DO NOT WANT H1N1, so wash your freaking hands and stay informed.
Also, if you have any risk factors, ESPECIALLY if you are pregnant, do NOT think twice about getting the vaccine. You need it.
Now, not to freak you out or anything, but a few months ago my dad (who is a retired OB/GYN) recommended that people who are planning to get pregnant wait until the flu season is over. He said that there’s no way of knowing how bad this will get (nor what the effects of the medications/treatments could be on a fetus), but there’s one thing we do know: pregnant women are at high risk. Y and I discussed it and agreed that delaying any plans for a few months is definitely worth it. After all, what’s a few months? I still stand by that decision and urge you to at least think about it. The CDC has not made this recommendation, but please keep in mind that making a decision like that would be both a public health AND a political decision, which could cause mass panic. I think it’s best to play it safe in any way that you can until it’s clear what this outbreak is going to look like.
If you’re already pregnant or have any other risk factors, take care of yourself. This article from the CDC is very helpful.
This thing is WAY more contagious than I thought it was. A few weeks ago, my wise friend Rosie said, “I think we’re all going to get it–it’s just a matter of how bad.” I now think she’s right. That being said, I hope you all stay healthy!
Wow, I can see Russia from up here on my soap box (as my friend Aimée would say)!! Climbing down now.
If anyone has any questions about what this was like, please feel free to ask me!
Please excuse my extended absence from internet land!
First, I had a hideous flu. Very, very hideous.
Then, my mom came down for a week because I had minor surgery (very minor and totally unrelated to the flu, no worries).
Then, yesterday was Y and my very first wedding anniversary! Y and I had a great time revisiting our ceremony site at Crissy Field and celebrating with a picnic and cupcakes (thanks to Sibby’s Cupcakery, you guys rock a million times over!).
And now I’m back. This week I’ll be doing a week of wedding-related giveaways, so tell your bride friends!
I am interrupting my regularly scheduled blog post for some major AW-ing (that’s Attention Whore-ing). I am SUPER excited about this and I cannot WAIT to tell you guys about it!
A few weeks ago, Lulu, Y and I won the best contest I’ve ever seen, let alone participated in!
We won a dog portrait by the amazingly talented Aimée Hoover.
A few years ago, I saw this portrait in a magazine in a doctor’s office and fell madly in love:
Isn’t it GORGEOUS?! I emailed Aimee to find out about her pricing and was sad (but not shocked) to see that she was out of my meager college student budget. However, I became a big fan of Aimée’s and signed up for her mailing list to receive updates on her latest portraits. Awhile ago, I found Aimeé on Twitter and was REALLY excited to learn that she is not only an incredible artist, but an incredible person. And with a great sense of humor, to boot.
Then I found out that she was running contests for a free custom dog portrait, painted in 140 minutes. So I entered! And I lost. My photos were kind of crappy. Ooops. So the next time around, I entered these three photos:
And the last one WON!! I never win anything (Y likes to point out that, technically, Lulu actually won. I’m choosing to ignore him). I was thrilled at the idea that I would be getting a free portrait from someone that I have literally admired for years.
And then, yesterday, Aimée posted this:
I was so excited, I very nearly peed myself.
Then, a few hours later, she posted the finished painting.
OMFG, right?! It’s GORGEOUS! I was speechless.
Well, sort of. I kind of squealed, then sat and stared. Isn’t it amazing?!
I am so lucky. And every time I look at it, I’m speechless again.
Aimeé also posted the progression of the portrait (these progressions are actually my favorite part of being on her mailing list!):
Needless to say, I am totally and completely thrilled.
Aimée is intensely talented, don’t you think? Shower her with love, people!! Visit her website, follow her on Twitter, and subscribe to her blog. She rocks!!
She’s also doing another dog portrait contest in just a few days, so join Twitter (you should anyway, because it’s fun! And also, to follow me!), follow Aimée, and enter her contest!! Or, better yet, commission her for a custom piece. She’s worth every penny. If I had any pennies, I’d give them to Aimée to paint all twelve of our pets.
Interestingly, poor Y is having to suffer a LOT since we won this portrait. Why? Well, because I keep bragging about how I’m now an award-winning photographer (since I happened to have snapped the photo that won). This might be a slight exaggeration on my part, but I take my bragging rights where I can get them!
But even worse than me is Lulu: she has turned into a total and complete DIVA. She no longer feels the need to respond to our requests, and I even caught her standing on top of our picnic table, helping herself to cat food! Apparently all of our praises went to her head.
Anyway, needless to say, our entire little family is VERY excited about this, and very, very thankful to Aimée.
PS: if you’ve somehow managed to read all of my excited ramblings in addition to looking at the pretty pictures, I’ll tell you this: one of the rules for this contest is to do something nice for someone else, and “pay the freebie forward.” Great rule, right?! So pretty soon, I’m going to be running a contest of my own. :)
THANK YOU, AIMÉE!!
I have been a bad blogger. A bad, bad blogger. I’m so sorry. I’ll try to be better. I blame Twitter for making it difficult to type anything more than 140 characters!
As a gesture of my good intentions, I wanted to share a couple of things with you guys!
First off, NYC Pride. Yesterday I almost peed myself when I got an email from Kelly at soyoureengayged.com. Awhile ago, she sent an email out to all of So You’re Engayged’s Featured Vendors, letting us know that they’d have a booth at Pride this year, and inviting us to send business cards and product samples. I was (obviously) very excited about this. In addition to sending her some of my samples, I also sent her a stack of my free marriage equality bumper stickers.
Yesterday, she sent me these photos from Pride:
How exciting!! She said that people really loved the stickers, which makes me very happy. I wish I could have been there!
On a related note, I’ve been doing a bit of research on the organization(s) we were voting on to receive the donations from the stickers. I received a tip from someone I trust, which caused me to re-evaluate the way I was researching the organizations. Long story short, I decided to personally contact all of the organizations via phone, rather than simply by email.
Equality California never called me back, which sucked (I mean, I know they’re busy, but still!). I was SERIOUSLY impressed, though, with Freedom to Marry. What an awesome organization! They offer advice to all the organizations working toward equal rights, so they’re super well connected. The guy I talked to, Richard, was also really nice and super helpful. I’ll keep you guys updated on what I find out.
Moving on!
Yesterday I also got an email from Tess at the Six Feet Under blog, who asked to do an interview for her blog. Of course, I was happy to oblige! Thanks Tess! The interview went up today, and there are a few very sweet comments. It is so flattering to be asked to do interviews. I’m still shocked that anyone is interested in what I have to say! ;)
In other news, I’ve finished a few *very* cute projects recently. Three of them feature dogs! You know how I love drawing pets, right? I am excited to share them with you. :)
Yesterday was both sad and exciting. I really didn’t expect the Twitter-verse to explode the way it did with all the re-tweets of my blog posts–hello to people I don’t know! :-D And thank you to everyone who spread the word.
There are still some free bumper stickers left, and of course, if you want to buy one for a buck & let someone else take a free one, that would be awesome too. Just to reiterate, here are the options for the sticker and the links to get them:
Last night Y and I went out to San Francisco City Hall to march with other like-minded people. I haven’t been to many protests, but I thought it was pretty awesome. And of course, it ended with a dance party in the middle of the Castro.
We have a fight ahead of us, but I really hope that it won’t take too long. I am hoping that people were complacent or ignorant pre-election, and that 52% of people really aren’t that hateful. I guess that’s hope.
I can’t lie, I had a feeling this was coming.
Here’s why:
Here’s the deal, though: if California voters have the right to amend their constitution, we have the right to do it again. I have absolutely NO DOUBT that California will follow Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa and legalize gay marriage.
I hate to say it, but the No on 8 Campaign was NOT RUN WELL. At all. Why weren’t they talking about civil rights? How about the fact that African Americans didn’t have the right to marry outside of their race just FORTY TWO YEARS AGO?! And that the campaign against interracial marriage used the EXACT SAME arguments as they’re using now for gay marriage?
This video says what needs to be said:
I really think that the campaign will be run better this time. I also think that people will NOT be lazy. Californians like to think of our state as being filled with liberal hippies. I don’t think people expected Prop 8 to pass. WE WILL NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN.
If you read my blog through a reader like Google Reader, you probably didn’t see that I’ve had a new badge in my sidebar for a few weeks.
At the suggestion of Designs by Tine, I decided to make badges for everyone. Like it? Take it. PLEASE. Put it on your blog. Tell your friends to take it and have them put it on THEIR blogs. Whether or not you live in California, show your support for FEDERALLY RECOGNIZED GAY MARRIAGE. This is not a Californian issue. This is not a “gay” issue. This is a civil rights issue. This is an humanity issue. This is an issue that EVERYONE needs to care about!
For your blog posts:
For your sidebar:
And now for the BIG KAHUNA:
I also created a bumper sticker, which I just sent to print. Check it out!
I could only afford to have 1000 of these suckers printed, but print them I did. I intend to give these away FOR FREE. I’m giving people three options:
I am going to be at the protest tonight at 5pm at San Francisco City Hall, and I’ll be holding a BIG FREAKIN’ SIGN. I hope to see you there!!!
I am in support of federally recognized gay marriage rights. Are you?
After a long hiatus, I’m back with my concluding post. Sorry it took so long!
About three years ago, I was in the midst of a quarter-life crisis. A year earlier, I’d had to leave graduate school because of migraine headaches, and I had no idea what to do with my life. For my birthday, Y took me to see Avenue Q. And, as strange as it sounds, I had an A-ha moment in the middle of a puppet musical.
The story is about a kid who graduates from college and can’t figure out what to do with his life. He becomes overwhelmed and falls into a depression. The moral (at least to me) was that you don’t have to have everything all figured out right away. Do what’s right for right now, and it will probably lead you down the right path.
Incidentally, that’s how I ended up being an illustrator, and overall quite happy.
Anyway, the point of that story is this: one of my not-so-great qualities is that I tend to overwhelm myself by thinking too far ahead. I end up panicking and then becoming emotionally paralyzed when I realize that I’m not where I want to be. I don’t own a house, I don’t have a retirement account, my business can’t support me in the lifestyle I’d like, etc.
Considering I am 26, this is ridiculous and I know it.
This is, however, how I ended up having majorly deep thoughts about bearing children when I haven’t even been married a year. This is also why I’ve titled this series “Why I Will *Probably* Have Kids.” I say *probably* because I’m 26 and I don’t need to make major decisions right now. In fact, I shouldn’t make major life decisions right now, because (other than marriage) I’m not ready to make them. And that’s okay.
For awhile, Y and I weren’t sure if we wanted to have kids at all. Y is 32 and never had any urges to be a parent. I never really thought about it–I just knew that I wasn’t ready.
And then.
And then my friend Karen had a child. Look at this child:
That is Emmett. No offense to all the babies I’ve seen, but he is by FAR the cutest baby I have ever seen in my entire life. He also happens to be half Asian, half white. Hmm.
Before I met little E, I’d never really held a baby before. I’m an only child, and I was never really exposed to kids. To be honest, I have no idea what to do with them, and up until E I had no desire to be anywhere near them.
When I saw E, though, I wanted to pick him up. When I held E, I didn’t want to let anyone else hold him. I’ve never had those feelings before. It was as if something switched in my brain and I suddenly wanted a baby. I totally wanted to see what it was like to be pregnant, and I wanted to see what kind of adorable-ness a Chewish (Chinese-Jewish) baby would contain.
This went on for about three months.
And then I calmed down. I realized that I am not ready to have a baby. No way. I’m not ready for my life to change. At this point, I feel like feeding a dog, four cats and seven chickens is responsibility enough! Add a baby to the mix, and I’d have absolutely no time to work. Stinkerpants would die. And with it, I (and by this, I mean the ME I was talking about in my previous post) would die–because I haven’t completely matured yet. And at 26, how many people have?! So no, I’m not ready yet.
But.
But I am open to the possibility that at some point, I will be ready for my life to change. At some point, my business will be stable, and I will have enough money to hire someone to help me with the kids part-time so I can get some work done. At some point, I really do think I will want to have kids and I will be ready for them. And I won’t lose myself in them, because *me* will be fully matured and stable. I think people who have kids too soon or without thinking are the ones who end up living my Dominating Fear.
That being said, I know myself well enough to know the following things:
I will need a lot of support. But you know what? That’s okay. And I think knowing that will *probably* make me a very good parent one day.
When I left off, I was talking about my Dominating Fear of ending up in the suburbs. This Dominating Fear is the main reason why I am afraid of having kids.
I don’t even remember when I first developed the Dominating Fear. Maybe it’s always been a part of me. I don’t think about it all the time; it’s not like I drive into suburbia and get a panic attack. I think that’s part of why it’s such a Dominating Fear. It’s an uneasiness, really: a deep-rooted sensation that one day I will wake up and realize that my greatest fear was substantiated long ago.
I am absolutely terrified of ending up in the suburbs with a minivan, being “just like everyone else.” Not knowing who I am. Not REMEMBERING who I am. For a long time, I’ve thought that these fears were just about Suburbia. I really thought that I just didn’t want to end up in Suburbia. Well, that’s easy enough to avoid, right?! Just don’t move to Lincoln*.
So why do I still have that panic every once in awhile?
I still have the panic because I was wrong. The fear has very little to do with Suburbia, and everything to do with children.
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This is not like a fear of heights, where you know you’re climbing higher and higher with every new rung on a ladder. This kind of thing happens a little bit at time, over the course of many years, and then ONE DAY you just realize it: Oh crap, I let it happen.
A few years ago, I was watching a sitcom where one guy said to another guy, “Marriage is the death of all things fun.” He was pushing a grocery cart filled with two difficult children and a lot of groceries. I remember thinking, “I’m pretty sure that the marriage isn’t what made this guy so miserable: it’s the kids.”
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Kids are the death of freedom.
They mean that you can’t live in a tiny apartment in the city. You can’t decide that you’re bored of your current apartment and move. You can’t realize that you’ve always wanted to live in New York for a year and do it. You can’t go out to dinner at a nice restaurant on a whim’s notice. You have to plan everything in advance, because you’ve got to figure out what to do with the kids.
You also can’t decide to take a sick day from work and hang out with your partner. You can’t lay in bed all day and order a pizza for dinner because you just didn’t feel like doing anything. For the next eighteen+ years, you will always have something to do.
Kids mean sacrifice. You don’t get to do what you want to do. You have to do what needs to be done. This is why people give up their sports cars for minivans: because the kids can’t fit in your mini cooper, and you’ve gotta take one for the team.
But I think the scariest thing to me is that kids change the way you think. Suddenly, all you think about is your kids. In the beginning, you’re fascinated by little socks and tiny hats. The decision between cloth diapers versus disposables is very important. Then, before you know it, you’re enjoying things that you once considered a form of torture, like kid’s soccer games. The kids are the most interesting thing in your life, and they’re all you have to talk about. Before you know it, even your answering machine message has been dominated by little kids.
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And that’s when it happens. That’s when you wake up and realize that your whole entire life revolves around your kids. You know what they like. You know what they need at any given time of day. You know where they need to be, because that’s where you need to be. You don’t ever think about what you want and need anymore. And then you suddenly realize that you don’t even know what you want and need. Because you stopped thinking about you years ago.
This is what I’m afraid of: I’m afraid of looking in the mirror and realizing that I was so busy taking care of my kids that I let my life get away from me. It’s not even about being one of the moms who “let go” and are in desperate need of an Oprah makeover (although that doesn’t help). It’s about having no more me.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I do think that children are a great thing to contribute to the world (so long as you don’t raise Ann Coulter or Bill O’Reilly), and I totally agree with Oprah: stay-at-home-moms have the hardest jobs in the world. I’ve realized that I’m just not cut out for it–I don’t think I can make that kind of sacrifice, and I am terrified that I’d feel a major sense of isolation. I get depressed somewhat easily, and I really don’t think I could cope. It’s just not my path. I need other things. Maybe not only other things, but at least other things too.
It’s not like I’m contributing anything major to the world right now. But I have a feeling that I will, one day. I have a feeling that I’ll start some major company that will recycle hazardous waste, or I’ll institute some sort of plan to make a big difference somewhere. The Dominating Fear is that I will forget about all of that.
As kids, we have Big Dreams about what we want to do with our lives. When you start having childen, you put those dreams on the backburner, saying you’ll come back to them when you have time. And then, 20 years later, you realize that you never had time, because everyday life is a bit of a struggle and the years pass quickly. It’s hard enough to accomplish Big Dreams. I’m scared that, if I have kids, I’ll look back on my life and think, “Crap. I really love my kids, but I didn’t accomplish my Big Dreams.”
I’ve come to realize that the Dominating Fear has a lot of truth to it, but that it’s not a given. Just because you have kids does not mean that you’re definitely going to end up a “shell of a person.” It’s not guaranteed that your whole entire life will revolve around diapers and soccer games. Not every mom goes to soccer games, after all.
But more on that tomorrow.
*I grew up near Lincoln. It used to be a tiny, tiny town, but it’s grown exponentially in recent years due to HUGE subdivisions full of houses that all look the same. This is where people from the Bay Area seem to go when they want a big house with a big garage and don’t care about being close to the city anymore.
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I don’t think this baby is that cute. I mean, I know that it’s a
Cute Baby, but I’m just not that into babies. And you know what? I think that’s okay.
Over the past few days, my good e-friend Ellie has been talking about her decision to be child-free. I was leaving a comment on her blog when I realized that I had a *lot* to say about this subject, and I should probably write my own post about it. Then I realized that I have even more to say about this than I originally thought, and decided to split it up into multiple posts like she did. Thanks for the inspiration, Ellie.
Some men and women grow up and know that they want to be parents. It’s just a feeling they have. Some people don’t think about it at all: having kids is just the next logical step after marriage. Other people just kind of “fall into it,” and end up loving parenthood (or at least saying they do). And then there are people like Ellie and I, who give a lot of thought to the idea of motherhood because we never really had that feeling, and now we’re married and not sure we want to “fall into it.”
The other day, Ellie and I talked a little bit in passing about her decision to be child-free. I mentioned that I thought she’d raise some great kids. You know why I said that? It’s because she is so REAL.
My mom is real like Ellie is. She is honest and open, and she doesn’t put on a happy face just for the heck of it. If it weren’t for my mom, I’m pretty sure I would never have kids. I’m still not 100% percent sure, but I’m young and have plenty of time to get there.
It’s actually kind of funny how my mom helped sway me toward having kids; I don’t think that most people would hear what she had to say and think, “well, maybe I should have kids!” On the surface, what she said might be construed as Scary. My mom told me that right after I was born, she freaked out a little bit. She didn’t feel connected to me right away, and I was a little parasite and she couldn’t get a moment to herself.
In short, she didn’t always feel that I was a “miracle” or “the best thing that ever happened to her,” despite the fact that she feels this way now. This coming from a woman who really, really wanted to have a baby and had a hard time getting pregnant. I am so grateful to my mom for telling me this (I also feel like I should qualify her disclosure by saying that my mom and I are very close and I don’t tend to take things like this personally).
Growing up, I liked to play with toy cars in the dirt. I climbed trees, ran around outside, and wrote stories. I played with My Little Ponies and trolls. I hated dolls. Everyone was always giving me Barbie dolls and her accessories. Barbie herself rarely got playtime, but I used her car to drive my pet rats around. Baby dolls were abandoned in boxes. I don’t have a single memory of pretending to be a mom. I had no desire to play house.
At a young age, I remember thinking, “I don’t think I could deal with a baby. What if it wouldn’t stop crying? I’d want to put it in a closet and close the door.” Now that I’m older, I realize that those kind of thoughts are what PPD is made of.
My worries about having kids aren’t limited to fears of frustration, though.
For as long as I can remember, I have had a Dominating Fear of how my life might turn out. I am absolutely terrified of ending up in the suburbs with a minivan, being “just like everyone else.” I even mentioned this fear in a Random Facts meme awhile back.
The Dominating Fear is pretty much the crux of this issue for me, though, so I think I’m going to dedicate the next post to it, rather than go into it here.
I’m not sure if anyone’s going to have anything to say about this conversation just yet (since I have yet to really get into the meat of it), but I hope you do! If not now, then maybe in a couple of days.
