Stinkerpants

Parenthood is Nothing Like I Thought it Would Be

August 30, 2010 in

Thank you guys so much for the awesome comments about Charlie!  It sounds like pretty much everyone who commented wanted to hear all about my experience (and her), so here it goes!  I figure I'll start off with what I've been thinking about most lately: that this is absolutely nothing like I thought it would be.

As someone who entertained the idea of never having kids at all (and had a lot of fears relating to parenthood), I expected to have a completely different experience when I actually brought Charlie home.  First off, I really didn’t expect to bond with her right away.  I figured it would take me awhile to get to know her, and I’d probably have a lot of mixed emotions about parenthood.  I thought I might question whether having a baby was the right decision, and feel nervous about how my life had changed.  I thought I might resent the amount of attention she demanded, or feel completely smothered by her needs and my new responsibilities.  In summary, I thought it would take some time before I was able to truly FEEL that the positives outweighed the sacrifices, even if I knew it in my head.

What I didn’t expect was the love I felt instantaneously.  That she melted my heart the moment they put her on my chest.  That I was overwhelmed by emotion - all of it positive.  And that I felt an intense need to protect her from anything and everything that could ever hurt her, now and for the rest of her life.  If there was a moment when I thought I might have made a mistake, it was because I didn’t think I could handle feeling that much love for one person.  Something about it feels dangerous and scary - because I know that if anything were ever to happen to her, I would break into a hundred million pieces and never heal again. 

Parents do a lot of bitching about their kids, and a lot of complaining about their loss of freedom, their inability to be spontaneous, and their frustration with the way kids have impacted their lives.  A few months back, when I mentioned on Facebook that I was trying to figure out what to do for maternity leave, I got a lot of comments from parents who said things like, “you want to plan something? You’re never going to plan anything ever again! hahahaha!” In general, I’ve found that parents like to scare the ever-living daylights out of pregnant people, like it’s funny or something.  "Your life is over!" is something I've definitely heard more than once over the past 9 months.  But I don’t feel like parents ever really talk about what an extreme JOY it is to have a child.  Those who DO talk about it always struck me as the kinds of people who always wanted children and spent their childhoods playing with dolls, where I was running around outside, playing with matchbox cars.  I didn’t think anyone like me would ever feel the way they did about their kids.

Well, it turns out, I do.  I am 100% completely head over heels for a BABY, which I truly never expected, especially because (total honesty, here) I’ve never really liked other people’s kids.  I have no idea what to do with them.  That being said, I also now understand why parents never talk about the joyous part of it - because I won't either (unless asked).  It's totally nauseating and I would never want to inflict that upon unsuspecting friends and relatives.

But there are, of course, negatives that I didn't anticipate too.  

First off, breastfeeding SUCKS and is HARD.  This deserves its own entry, so more on that later.  The one thing I'll say now, though, is that Charlie is three weeks old and I am going to see a lactation consultant for the fourth time because I absolutely refuse to give up but I still need help. Breastfeeding is far from "the most natural process in the world," and I have needed a lot of help (which I generally don't like to ask for). I didn't expect that.

Secondly, I have had some depression and post-partum anxiety.  I'm feeling a lot better now, so I think it was just "baby blues," instead of the more serious postpartum depression. But I didn't expect it to suck as much as it did, even though I did expect to get it.  I am really thankful that none of my negative feelings were directed at the baby (because then I'd be battling guilt on top of everything else); instead, they were more about her.  I was worried I would drop her, scared of SIDS (well, that fear hasn't gone away), and depressed because I felt unable to control all of the bad things in the world that will surely affect her.  I'm really grateful that Y was, for the most part, pretty understanding and wonderful.

I also had a bit of a freak-out when Y went back to work (he had 2.5 weeks of paternity leave right away, with more to follow in a few months), because I realized that taking care of Charlie was a lot of work for TWO people - and now I'd have to do it alone.  I have a whole new respect for single parents - I don't know how they do it.

I will admit to still being concerned about how to balance my business with taking care of Charlie and making sure the household doesn't fall apart. I already know that something's gotta give, and it's going to be the household.  It's not impossible to take a newborn to the grocery store, but I'll tell you what: it sure as shit isn't worth spending an hour or more of extra time to do something I find tedious to begin with.  I will be utilizing Safeway's $7 deliveries.  $7 is DEFINITELY worth my sanity, that's for sure.  Right now my mom is here, so I haven't been 100% on my own yet.  Luckily having my mom here is like weaning myself off, rather than quitting cold turkey.  I feel more capable to do it on my own now than I did last week.

The lack of sleep has been what I expected it to be, although we've been coping better than I thought we would.  Our house is a total disaster, I'll admit to that, but it's not as big of a disaster as I thought.  So overall, things are much better than I thought they would be, and things are difficult in a different way than I thought they would be.

I must say, even when she is screaming and I don't know why, I am so thankful that Y and I decided to do this.  I thought I was happy before, but I really had no idea how happy I could be.  I think if I'd known how great this was, I would never have considered being child-free to begin with.  That's a strange thing to realize. I'm not going to pretend that my experience will be like anyone else's, and I think making sweeping generalizations is a bad idea.  But I will tell you this: if you are considering having kids and you're not 100% decided, I can tell you with absolute certainty that there is no way to make an educated decision about something like this.  You will never know how wonderful it is until you've already done it.

Guess Who?

August 25, 2010 in Miscellaneous Ramblings • Baby

Some Random Questions from Readers!

August 5, 2010 in Ask Sara

A few months ago, I joined the masses and set up a Formspring account.  Assuming anyone would want to ask me a question, anonymous or not, seemed kind of self-absorbed, but I thought it might be fun.  To my surprise, a lot of my friends started asking me fun questions!  I’ve decided to take my favorites and answer them here from time to time. So if you have a question you’ve always wanted an answer to (personal, Stinkerpants-related, or running-a-business-wise), don’t hesitate to ask me on Formspring, or use the handy-dandy little form to the right (if you're not reading this in a reader) that flies out when you click “Ask Sara.”

Will it Look Like Me? Getting Your Custom Drawing Just Right

August 2, 2010 in Everyday • Kids • Family • Wedding • Running A Business • Running Stinkerpants

Every once in awhile, I’m reminded that I need to write a post on this subject - and now I’m finally doing it!

I’ve been asked these two questions more than a few times:

“why don’t you have any photos of your clients on your website, so we can see what they look like compared to your drawing?”

and

“do your characters really look like the people you’re drawing?”  

The answer to the first question definitely comes down to personal preference.  I just don’t like the way websites look when they have those “before and after” photos.  I think it cheapens the look of the website, so I made a conscious decision not to do it.  But in a way, it kind of sucks for my potential clients, who are left wondering, well..."do your characters really look like the people you’re drawing?”  And the answer is definitely yes, but with one caveat: I have to have good photos of the person first.  If I have good photos (more on that in a minute), I think I do a pretty good job  - and so do my clients!  Take this quote from a recent client, Jess:

“"WOW!  I always thought your stuff was cute, but I didn't really realize how much it would actually LOOK like me until I saw myself drawn.  So cool!"

When Jess asked me why I don’t post photos of my clients alongside their drawings, I asked her if she’d be willing to let me use a few of her photos for the blog, so I could do just that!  Lucky for me, she's a good sport.  :) 

So without further ado, here’s an example of a couple, and their Save the Date:

Jess and Mike provided me with great photos, so it was easy to make them look just right.  

And what makes for a great photo, you might ask?

In order to draw a character that looks like you, I need to be able to see the shape of your face.  That means I need photos that are taken straight-on, and are unobscured by things like sunglasses or hats.  

Here’s an example of a couple of photos:

In the first one, see how her face is tilted away from the camera?  If you like taking self-portraits, a lot of your photos probably look like this (I know mine do!).  

Sometimes clients have a hard time finding good photos of themselves, and they’ll send me a bunch that are just okay.  Sometimes I’m able to make a character look right using those images, but it takes me a lot more time, and I’ll often feel less than 100% confident about them.  In those cases, I email the client the initial proof and ask them, “do you think this looks like you?  If not, send me a few more photos!”  After the second round of things, the character ends up looking just right.  That’s why it’s good to have great photos from the outset.

One thing to keep in mind that your pictures don’t have to be super high-quality.  If you want to send me a photo from your camera phone, I’m not picky!  It’s mostly the angle that matters. ;)  So feel free to take a quick picture just for me - I’ll definitely appreciate it!
 

Charlie’s Pink and Orange Modern Nursery

July 30, 2010 in Miscellaneous Ramblings • Baby • Personal Projects • Household Projects

Despite the fact that there are probably more pressing matters to discuss, I am really excited about this, so I’m just going to talk about it now!!

I finished Charlie’s nursery, at least for the most part.  I am SUPER thrilled with how it turned out, so I want to share it with you guys.  It’s the first room in our condo to actually be done, too, so that makes it even more exciting.  I’ll share the other rooms (with before and after photos) as we finish them.  To be honest, I'll probably share them with you as they're works in progress (rather than done) because I've gotten really picky about artwork recently and it's taking me awhile to visualize what I want for each room.  But I digress.

So here are a few photos.  The full set is on Flickr with more detailed photos, but here’s the gist!

First things first: the before photos.  When we bought this place, it was DISGUSTING.  Like, don’t-touch-anything-without-washing-your-hands-and-for-the-love-of-god-don’t-sit-on-the-toilet-seat DISGUSTING.  The guys who lived here were foul, foul people.  Notice in these pictures that the walls are dirty.

But it was the carpets that held the most evidence of their foulness.  We’re talking layers upon layers of stains.  For health reasons, we decided to have the carpets cleaned using a green carpet cleaning service rather than replacing them (did you know that new carpets out-gas for at least five years?  Scary stuff).  You should have seen what they took out of the flooring in Charlie’s room.  Gross.  Here’s the before (try not to barf):

And now, for the afters!

This is the view from the hallway (more on that wallpaper later!) and the entrance to her room.  Last year, I saw a nursery on Ohdeedoh with a FABULOUS art installation.  I stored it in the back of my brain, and it was the first thing I made for Charlie’s room (and I made it in December!).  You might recognize the lanterns from our wedding ceremony.  I love the idea of re-using items, and I think they’re much better executed here, haha.  The alphabet print is from my store, and the dresser & storage containers are all from Ikea.

On the left, a close-up of the changing area.  On the right, the glider area.  The night stand is from Ikea and matches the dresser (they're both "Hemnes").  The glider was $40 from Craigslist and came with a nasty blue cushion.  My fabulous mother made a new cushion (using fabric from Ikea), plus the pouf (using a pattern from Amy Butler) and pillow.  The Felix the Cat stuffed animal was a gift from my grandfather, Charles.  Charlie is named after him.

I am in love with the crib.  I really wanted something sleek and modern (and non-toxic), and the Argington Sahara crib really fit the bill.  The crib comes in several finishes, some of them retailing for over $1k.  We ain’t made of money, though, so we chose the Red Maple finish from allmodernbaby.com, which was half the price and on sale when we bought it.  The bumper and crib skirt were made by my mom, along with the beautiful circle quilt, which she made using a pattern from Bijou Lovely.

No nursery (well, room even) is complete without a little art!  You can see detail shots of these on Flickr, but in summary, there’s an awesome frame with three images from an old Chinese children’s book I found in my in-law’s basement, a custom drawing I did of Charlie with her animal friends, the Wish Tree from my shop, and two free downloads from tinydecorblog.com.  

Charlie’s bookshelf doubles as storage.  We reused the Ikea Expedit from our apartment bedroom (it was used as a room divider there) and filled it with books and knick-knacks.  Can you tell we're fans of Ikea?  I love it.  We now live 10 minutes from one, and it has allowed us to decorate on the cheap - and I think their stuff looks great!

So yeah, that's it!  I am really not into baby-ish nurseries.  I didn't want a bunch of frilly bows everywhere, and dolls & teddy bears kind of scare me.  Luckily I'm not the only one out there with the same feelings about nursery design, and there's a lot of inspiration on websites like Project Nursery and Ohdeedoh.  I hope you guys like it as much as I do!