Stinkerpants

Choosing an Officiant

February 21, 2008 in Our Wedding • Bridal Party • Ceremony

This post was originally featured on Weddingbee.  To see all of the comments, you'll have to check them out over there!

Planning an intercultural wedding can be a lot of fun. It’s really interesting to read up on Chinese traditions and learn more about Mr. Stinkerpants’ culture. I really wanted to have a Jewish ceremony without squelching Mr. Stinkerpants’ culture, which it turns out will not be too difficult (more on that later). There are a lot of questions to answer about how the ceremony will be run, who will say what, what traditions we will utilize and which we won’t bother with.

There was, however, never a question of who would marry us. Neither of us is religious, so I wasn’t too attached to the idea of having a rabbi marry us. Instead, Mr. Stinkerpants and I hoped that our friend K would marry us. K is Mr. Stinkerpants’ best friend, and they’ve known each other for nearly a decade. He had wonderful things to say about her, and when I met her, I saw why–she is AMAZING. She is seriously one of the kindest, funniest and most selfless people I’ve ever met. I loved her immediately. Luckily, she said she would be our officiant.

Having a friend marry you is a bit more complicated than having a regular officiant marry you, because that officiant has likely been doing this for years and knows what the hell to say. K and I have no idea what she should say, how a ceremony works, or anything else for that matter. Thus, it’s proven a bit of a challenge (but it will SOOO be worth it in the end!). We’re tackling this part of the wedding planning process slowly, and we started with the all-important task of deciding what she should wear. I wanted her to wear something a little different than the bridesmaids, so people could tell she wasn’t a bridesmaid, and I wanted her to feel pretty. She liked the “sunshine” color, which none of the bridesmaids ended up choosing, and picked out the dress to the right (Alfred Angelo 6640–and we’re pretending we never saw that heinous scarf thing. I also feel the need to note that the color is much prettier in person). I’m really excited that K will look special, because her dress will be longer than the bridesmaid dresses. I’m also really excited about how this whole color scheme is coming together!

As I figure out more about how our ceremony will be run and what K will actually say, I’ll keep you guys updated.

What about you guys? Who have you chosen to marry you? How did you come to that decision? And if you’re getting married by a friend, how are you figuring out what that person will say?!

Crissy Field Update

October 30, 2007 in Our Wedding • Ceremony • Ramblings While Planning

As my darling mother pointed out, I should probably update about the Crissy Field fiasco.  The “chief” called me back, and told me that October is a very busy month for them, and that’s why James never called me back.  He told me that I would NOT be required to pay the extra $175, and that I WILL be receiving my permit eventually, so I don’t need to worry about it.

So that’s the update.  Thank God.

Rant: Crissy Field

October 29, 2007 in Our Wedding • Ceremony • Ramblings While Planning

I am so sick of the people at Crissy Field.  I sent in a $400 money order two months ago and still haven’t received my permit.

This has not been a particularly pleasant experience from the get-go. The people running this joint (the National Park Service) appear to be completely disorganized, so getting anything done is not an easy feat.  I think the money  thing is the main issue, as all other problems seem to stem from it.

As a little background: I’m kind of cheap, I’ll admit it. I didn’t have a problem with $400 until I found out that it’s only $400 because it’s a wedding (GOD I hate this industry!). The permit for the rehearsal dinner is only $38. You don’t get anything more for $400, either–it’s not like they send out a ranger to oversee the whole thing.  But anyway, for all my bitching I paid the four hundred bucks.  I’m not going to cheat the forests, after all.

A month after I’ve signed the contract and sent in a money order for $400, the guy from Crissy Field (James) calls me and says he has some “questions” about our permit. I called him 4x in the span of a week and a half  (thinking, “oh my god, I sent this guy a MONEY ORDER and now I’m not going to get my permit because I filled something out wrong!).  I left messages, but he never returned my call. By chance, I caught him one afternoon, and he explained that he does not actually have a question for me: he called to tell me that they’ve added a “management fee” on TOP of the $400. What do you get all this extra money? NOTHING. And what is the “management fee”? This is no small expense they’re trying to tack on at the last second–it’s $175. WHAT?! I said, “um, no. I already signed the permit and sent you my money, and now you’re telling me you’re raising the fee by 50%?! NO!” I told him that business is not conducted this way–if they’re going to raise the prices, they should raise them for people in the FUTURE, not for people who have not only been quoted a price, but have already paid it!  He told me that he understood my concerns and asked me to email him my protest (apparently he’d make sure it got to the right person).  He told me he’d get back to me early next week.  Well, “early next week” has come and gone (of course) and now it’s been three weeks.  I’ve left him two messages and heard nothing back.

So today I decided to take action.  I called James again, but of course got no answer.  So I called every number I could find on the park service’s website, asking if anyone knew the correct number for me to call.  Finally (after only about 4 or 5 calls), someone transferred me to the “Chief” of Special Park Uses.  I had to leave a message, but luckily the guy left his name on his voicemail.  Through my powers of internet stalking, I was able to come up with this contact page, so if the guy doesn’t call me back, I can now stalk him instead of  James.

I would never recommend that ANYONE get married at Crissy Field or any of the other public beaches around there.  Clearly their “management fees” don’t pay for any semblance of customer service.  One thing I’ve noticed with my friends who are getting married is that we’re all afraid of being labeled “bridezilla.”  Fear of that label turns some of us into doormats, and that’s not okay.  I don’t want to be a bridezilla, but for crying out loud: if there’s anything I’ve learned in life, you really have to be proactive if you don’t want to get screwed.  This applies to life in general, not just the wedding.  I’m not bridezilla, I’m assertive.  I’m not going to let these people walk all over me, take my $400, demand another $175 and then never call me back. That is not okay!  I want my permit!